Rules For Retrosexuals
1. A retrosexual always pays for the date. If she tries to insist, so much the better. He still pays.
2. A retrosexual deals with it. Flat car batteries, house break-ins, cable TV malfunction, earthquake damage — he just gets on with it.
3. A retrosexual never acknowledges he is in a relationship.
4. A retrosexual always carves the Sunday roast. Make sure you know what you’re doing—practise on the cat, spend an hour taking notes at the kebab shop.
5. A retrosexual is never seen in the passenger seat, unless it is a minicab, in which case he asks the driver if he can sit in the front.
6. A retrosexual must never cry in public. When he is alone he can cry in two instances—the death of a faithful dog or his team’s defeat in a Cup semi-final.
7. A retrosexual has a complete set of tools and at least three types of power tool, which he is often seen handling, if not actually using.
8. A retrosexual refuses to see a doctor even if he has a rare tropical disease that means his genitals are about to fall off. He is, however, allowed to let everyone know how he is suffering from the common cold.
9. A retrosexual should have at least one wound, with an accompanying story which lasts at least five minutes.
10. A retrosexual always stands in a pub. Seats are for couples and for Guardian readers.
From Dave Besley’s The Retrosexual Manual: How to be a Real Man [Via The Ampersand]
3 years ago